


Snippet Collection

by AngstySuperSoldierGodmother



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Jealousy, M/M, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngstySuperSoldierGodmother/pseuds/AngstySuperSoldierGodmother
Summary: Steve navigates having two people in his life who are indispensable.--This was supposed to be only one short drabble, but I'm getting some other ideas for little snippets under the same vein so..might be multi-chaptered.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been active in this fandom in such a long time.. I really dont know where this came from. 
> 
> This author believes in the possibility of having more than one best friend, and more than one type of best friend, hopefully that won't be too much of a problem for anyone :).

"Agent Romanoff.. she really cares about you, doesn't she?"

Steve turns his head to look at his friend in the cockpit. His mouth is slightly twisted at one corner in a wry little smile, his piercing blue-greys trained steady on his face betraying the light tone he used when posing the question.

Steve turns forward and frowns a little, trying to find the right words to describe something that up until that moment didn't need descriptives or adjectives, just..was.

He shifts a bit in his seat and turns the autopilot on when he deems it safe enough. "Yeah.. I mean... I guess we both care about one another. Quite a bit."

A huff.

"Yeah, I mean.." Bucky intones, a hint of derision coloring his tone "..she kinda has to, you know. To have gone behind Stark's back like that. Face off to the King of Wakanda like that."

Steve nods, a bit absent-mindedly and wonders about the possible repercussions for Natasha letting him go, feeling something like dread tighten in his chest.

He had no doubt Natasha was more than capable of looking after herself. And even if T'Challa decided to go after her with the entire weight of the Wakandan forces, Steve was certain neither Clint nor Tony would ever let them get to her, no matter what side either was actually on.

He pushes the thought out of his mind for now, trying to focus on Bucky's--Barnes'? James'? Who the hell knew what was appropriate anymore-- question.

"We take care of each other, keep an eye out for one another.. she's been there when no one else has...especially these last couple of years.. she's my best friend."

Something heavy settles in the air between them.

Steve turns to look at his friend. There is an unreadable mask of expression on his face and Steve immediately feels like he's messed up somehow. Still, he can't find it in himself to take back the words, since the second the they are out of his mouth, he knows them to be true.

"Didn't see that in the Smithsonian." the brunet finally replied, probably going for humor, but coming off much more bitter than intended if you knew where to pay attention.

Christ, Steve could still read all his little inflections even after all this time.

"You've been away." was all Steve could say after a while.

They settled into a charged silence. Bucky looking out his window, Steve checking and double checking the settings of the vessel they had managed to snatch from the airport.

Steve tries to shake off the accusing jabs of betrayal his heart was sending his way. After all, wasn't Bucky the one who had been running away from him all this time? Months? Years? Wasn't Bucky the one who denied ever even knowing him? Hell, he'd probably be the first one to deny they were best friends if Steve had actually called them that-- which had happened.

Wasn't Steve allowed the comfort of a friend? Didn't he deserve to have a small part, just a teeny tiny part of his life-- move on?

He had been so close to breaking in the past few months. He was certain if Natasha hadn't insisted on accompanying him through every dead end, every close call, every empty were house in the last two years or so.. it would have happened.

Would Bucky really fault him for reinventing himself, making himself into something other than what he'd been so long ago in order to survive?

A small sigh.

"I guess I haven't."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We are the same, you and I."

"By all means, do make yourself at home." Bucky said knowingly into the seemingly empty living room before him. Steve had been off for an errand not ten minutes ago. Bucky had started feeling eyes on them and their little living arrangement for about two days now. He knew it was only a matter of time before this happened. "I guess asking you to use the front door would be out of the question, Agent Romanoff?"

Silence.

Then, from the corner of a room, the black widow emerges in all her glory from the shadows.

"Yes, it would." She states simply, levelling her calculating gaze upon him. 

"Any particular reason you wanted Rogers out before you showed yourself? He would love to see you, you know."

She cocked her head to the side, face still unreadable "You knew I wanted to get you alone?"

He shrugged "I realized you were clocking us a couple days ago. Figured the only reason you hadn't showed yourself was because you wanted to have a word in private with one of us. So I sent Rogers to get some eggs. Rolled the dice."

The redhead shifted her weight slightly, consideringly.

"How are you so sure he doesn't know I'm here? Maybe he's just indulging you."

Bucky scoffed, albeit not unkindly "Rogers is a great tactician. Great strategist. Amazing at looking at the big picture and seeing all the angles. But he's not a spy." A pause. "Not like us."

Natasha hummed, vaguely conceding, flicking the curtain of red hair off her left shoulder and crossing her arms.

"And how.. did you know it was me?" 

"Well, if it was Stark he wouldn't have bothered being stealthy. Probably would've blasted a hole through the roof to make his grand entrance. So who's left who would want to have a word under the present circumstances? Clint? He would've made his presence known from day one. Sam would've called first and he would've used the front door." At this last remark he directed a pointed look at Natasha, who ignored it.

"And anyway" he added, smirk pulling at a corner of his lips ", I know your style, Natashenka."

"Don't call me that." She snapped, the first slip of emotion coloring her tone during their exchange. Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Please don't call me that." She amended, although from her steely gaze he could tell she was not asking.

"Whatever you say." He said, easily. "So. To what do I owe the pleasure? Here to reminisce about the good old days?"

Natasha averted her eyes to the right in what Bucky was sure was an aborted eye roll.

"No. I'm here to talk about Steve."

Now that... that threw Bucky off.

It was his turn to cock his head to the side, slightly, questioningly.

Cautiously.

"What about him?"

"I want to know" she started, before pausing as if considering if she was choosing the right words to say "I want to know... what you plan to do with Steve after all this ends. What your intentions are."

Bucky let out an incredulous scoff. He took a moment to fully process what the spy before him was saying before advancing a couple of steps towards the woman.

"Don't tell me you went through all this trouble just to give me the shovel talk about our dear old Captain here."

"Right now, you two are stuck playing house because Tony has conducted a manhunt for The Winter Soldier." she ploughed on, as if he hadn't said anything "A manhunt that would've most definitely been successful if not for Steve putting his neck and his reputation on the line to save you."

"Not to mention your neck and reputation on the line, if I remember the events at the airport correctly. Honestly, Natasha I didn't know you still cared."

Natasha sniggered "Trust me, I didn't do it for you."

And it was the viciousness behind the words that managed to both startle and bruise a part of Bucky's heart that he thought he had forgotten a long time ago. Sure, he was mostly joking about Natasha still having some feeling for him, but deep down a part of him truly did believe they had parted on good terms from the Red Room. Or as good as a parting as you can have from someone under such fucked up circumstances.

They had leaned on each other. Found solace in one another.

He thought they were at the very least some kind of friendly, even after all this time without seeing one another.

The person before him had no tenderness to offer, no refuge from the storm. She was all hard edges and prickly thorns raised and ready to pierce the skin at the slightest provocation.

"You don't like me very much, do you?" he concluded, almost wonderingly.

It was Natasha's turn to scoff "That is beside the point. I want to know what you plan on doing when this is all over."

"Meaning?"

"Are you planning to leave Steve?"

Ah, so a shovel talk it truly was.

It left a sour taste in his mouth.

"So what if I am?" he hissed, purposefully throwing some of that viciousness she had previously demonstrated towards him right back at her, taking a few more steps towards the unflinching spy, staring deep into her eyes to gauge her reaction.

"Nothing. I would just like to know beforehand if you plan on using his resources and disappearing again so that I can start making the adequate emotional.. preparations for Steve. See, he's under the impression that you're staying this time. For good."

"I never made such promises." He growls.

"No. Although after arguably two lifetimes of friendship and many near death experiences on both ends one could forgive the guy for assuming. And well.. there's also the other thing to take into considerations."

He knew it was exactly what she wanted him to do, but still he couldn't keep himself from asking "What other thing?"

A pause. A humourless sneer stretches her red tinted lips.

"That you also want to stay."

They stared into each other's eyes, both refusing to let up, to give in.

Finally, with a clench of his jaw, Bucky turned his gaze away with snarl.

"I thought so." she said, sounding almost tired.

"What do you want, Widow?" He spit out the last moniker like an insult.

She waves a hand, dismissively "What I want is irrelevant. Because no matter what happens, no matter what version of events comes to pass.. it cannot be done. And so" she fixed him again with that cold gaze "I am more interested in what you plan to do. At least that way, knowing beforehand, I can better prepare myself--and Steve-- for whatever lies beyond the horizon. He can have a chance to recover. You can give him that. You owe him at least that."

He wasn't facing her anymore. His chest was visibly rising and falling. His hands clenching and unclenching on his sides.

"I.." and for the first time in the entire evening, the front, the bravado was gone. His voice breaking with sincere uncertainty "...I don't know."

Natasha clicked her tongue "You'll have to do better than that."

Bucky growled, turning to face her, anger twisting his features.

"Who gave you the right to demand anything from me? What business is it of yours if I stay or if I fuck off into oblivion? What I do is my business, mine, and nobody else's!"

"Except it is my business when your actions have direct consequences on the people I care about!" she raised her voice to match Bucky's, advancing towards him before stopping herself halfway. "Everything you do, every decision you make-- it affects Steve."

"That is not my fault." He gritted out.

Natasha's shoulders slump. She sighs and closes her eyes for a moment before responding.

"It is not ideal.. but it is what it is. We both have to deal with it."

Silence settled between them. They both found themselves leaning against opposite walls.

"You want to know why I don't like you?" She said, her head resting against the wall behind her, her eyes seeming to bore into his very soul.

He wanted to tell her to go fuck herself. That he couldn't give less of a fuck why Natasha liked him or didn't like him all of a sudden. But as always with the ex-soviet spy, she always managed to get under his skin.

"Why?" He rasped.

"You and I...we are the same."

He waited for her to continue. Her gaze no longer focusing on him, but at whatever images were forming in her mind as she spoke looking into the distance.

"And because we are the same, I know exactly the kind of damage we are capable of inflicting upon others. Because you are right. Steve? He is not like us. He is.. a good person. A genuinely good person. Us? I'm not so sure. We may have good intentions, but..I don't know if I'd go as far as to say we are good people."

Bucky doesn't have anything to say to that. He has the feeling that he's known, for a very long time, for that to be true. Before he became the soldier. Before he became any kind of soldier even.

A distant memory. A pale, thin broken wrist comes to mind. Broken paintbrushes. Ruined oils. A deep voice, out of proportion with the small body it belongs to saying "Leave it, Buck. It's not worth it. I'll buy more. You know Mrs Mayfield has a soft spot for me. She'll probably give me half price." Bucky waiting for the lanky figure with the deep voice to go to sleep before going hunting, deep in the night with nothing but his Paw's old crowbar and rage pumping through his veins. Coming back in the wee hours of the morning, shirt stained in red. Three boys in the neighbourhood with a proclivity to homophobic slurs never gathering at the corner to harass Steve ever again.

Yeah..he's known for quite some time now.

He snaps out of his remembrance to a knowing look on Natasha's face, almost as if she'd read his thoughts.

"That is why we can do what we do so well. Operate in the shadows. Be the ones to get our hands dirty for the cause, when it calls for it. We can compartmentalize. Count our losses. Move on. Steve, on the other hand.. quite frankly I think he would've rather died than have done some of the things I've done in my career just to maintain SHIELD as it was."

He remembers a shield and a sniper. One glistening, reflecting off the morning sun. The other, shrouded in darkness.

"People like Steve.. they are the sun. And people like us..we are instinctively drawn to their light. We know we don't deserve it, we know they'd be better off without us, but...still. We can't help it. We seek it. And they make us.. better. And in return..?"

Bucky meets her eyes once more. Finds something dead serious reflected in them. Something a bit.. tortured.

"In return, I decided a while ago, that I would do anything to protect Steve Rogers once he decided to absolutely insist on giving me the time of day."

 _You're right_ a voice inside his head wanted to say, _We are alike_

Instead, he continued to look on, transfixed by the figure before him, almost a spectre, almost a reflection of his own self. His androgynous other half. There was no hiding his true feelings from her, because in many ways, she was him and he was her. And they were bound by many things in this life, and apparently, one of those things was the inexorable love they both shared for one Steven Grant Rogers.

He was a fool to have ever thought he could've deceived her.

"You, are volatile right now." she said as she slowly approached him, the way a mountain lion would approach its prey before pouncing "And you have this.." her mouth twisted into something upset "..control over him-- a control that you don't seem to realize you have. You could ask Steve to lay down his life for you and he would happily do it in a second. You could ask him to turn against his friends, against his country, against the whole damn planet and he would do it because it is you asking." She finally stops before him, narrowing her eyes. "You understand my problem, here?"

Bucky laughs, a bit hysterically. He would deny it, except he had already witnessed Steve turn against his closest friends and his own government just to keep him in hiding. Abandon his entire lifestyle, whatever safety net and liaisons he'd formed throughout the years, effective immediately becoming a war criminal, on the run, forever.. all for Bucky.

And he hadn't even had to ask.

Bucky finally gets a grip. He swallows. Wipes his mouth with a slightly shaky hand.

"If that is the case... If I truly have this effect..this control over him.. If I am so dangerous for him...why would you even want me anywhere near him? Why not.. take me out?" he whispers.

Natasha lets out an exasperated sigh. She lets her mouth arrange itself into an ironic smirk.

"It wouldn't work. Remember what I said about what I wanted not mattering? Because it was impossible no matter what?"

Bucky nods.

Natasha swallows.

"What I want... is for Steve not to get hurt." She pauses. Bucky frowns. "This is impossible, no matter what. He already can't live without you. If anything happened to you, it would only end up breaking him beyond repair. If you disappeared, he would spend the rest of his life looking for you. And if you stay..."

Her voice trailed off.

"...if I stay, my.. volatility, as you put it, would probably end up fucking him up somewhere in the process as well." He finishes for her.

Natasha purses her lips.

"We don't know that."

"Really?" Bucky's laugh was less hysterical, more bitter "Is that not why you came all the way down over here? Because you're so sure I'm gonna fuck him up somehow you need to start planning your contingency plan ASAP?"

"Yes, I'll admit, part of me came prepared for the worst."

"And the other part?"

"The other part hoped against hope that there may be a small chance."

"A chance for what?"

"For you not to give up on your one chance at happiness because you're scared." 

Bucky opens his mouth to say something.

Suddenly, a shuffling of steps.

The faint sound of keys jingling from outside.

Natasha is already at the window.

"Think about it, James. For both your sakes."

The door opens.

There is no sign of anything being out of place.

Nothing but the brown haired man standing in the middle of a dark, empty living room looking like the ground has been pulled from his feet.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a couple of other plot bunnies following this same train of thought... maybe this same conversation from Bucky's POV? Some Bucky being a lil bit jealous? Some steve&nat friendship goals moments? Let me know if that's something you'd be interested in reading :D


End file.
